Finding Light in the Darkness
by Herochick007
Summary: Hermione is not the same after the war. She married Ron, Harry's run off to be a hermit, and nothing feels the same as it once was. Will a chance encounter help her find the light she's missing? Warning: Depression! And sexual themes.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I don't own anything you recognize. **

**This is for the Harry Potter Fanfiction Challenges forum**

**Are you crazy enough to do it Challenge**

**411\. (scenario) Getting dragged around to several shops by your partners**

**If you Dare Challenge**

**411\. Evidence of Their Passage**

The years had not been kind to Diagon Alley. Since the war, many merchants had refused to return, even after Voldemort had been defeated. The shops showed evidence of the passage of years, of owners. Now several store fronts stood empty. Hermione shivered slightly stepping onto the street.

"Let's get this over with," she muttered. Ron blinked.

"Why? We've got the whole day to shop, just think, we could grab lunch, maybe dinner too. I thought you wanted to go to the bookstore?" She nodded glumly. Nothing was the same, not here, not with her. Since the war and her subsequent marriage to Ron, she felt herself wishing she'd never even heard about magic. If she had just stayed an ignorant muggle, would things have been better for her?

Ron grabbed her hand pulling her along chattering happily.

"And there's this new broom, the Wagner Elf, it's a German model." Had she ever actually cared about brooms, she wondered. Quiddich was more Ron and Harry's thing. The idea of being here without him made her sick to her stomach. No one had heard from Harry in years. He'd retreated somewhere after defeating Voldemort, said it hurt too much to see the death and destruction. Hermione wondered if he felt responsible for all of it in some way.

"And there's this new ice cream place we've got to try. George says they have over a hundred flavors, including cockroach cluster, can you image, 'Mione?" She just nodded as Ron pulled her into another shop. She glanced around, books everywhere. Part of her wanted to run, search through the shelves, find something to make her feel again. Another part of her just smiled at him, pretending to be the person she'd been before.

"Give me a minute to look around," she whispered.

"More like an hour," Ron muttered but nodded strolling over to the Quiddich section and looking at magazines. Hermione watched him for a moment before disappearing into the shelving. She'd read so many of these books already, but she had to find something new, something to fool Ron into thinking she was alright, didn't she? She wondered what would happen if she admitted how she felt, how nothing felt important now. She shook her head. She could never tell him, he wouldn't understand.

"I think this is what you want," a deep voice stated. Hermione looked up.

"Professor Snape, nice to see you," she said. She'd known he'd survived, seen something about it an article somewhere.

"Miss Granger. Here." He handed her a book. She glanced down at the title _Healing the Mind_.

"Sir?"

"I've seen that haunted expression before, Miss Granger. Take care," he said and then he was gone, as if she'd imagined him. She glanced down at the book and carried it, along with a book filled with pictures of kneazles, to the counter.

"Just these today," she stated. Ron had already grown bored and was pacing around the front of the shop. She sighed knowing they'd be going to at least five more shops today. Placing her books in her bag, she joined Ron.

"Finally! So, where to next? Ice cream?"

"Sure, why not," she answered. Ron smiled and she followed him trying not to let the gloom in her mind take over her actions.

"Don't worry, 'Mione, they'll find some new people to take over the old shops, and everything will be like it was before," Ron promised as they ordered ice cream, Ron getting something that contained raspberries and chocolate and her getting an ordinary vanilla cone. The taste comforted her, something so simple, so familiar, when everything around her had seemed to change.

"Just think, Hermione, someday we'll be bringing our own kids here, helping them pick out school supplies, getting a broom..." Hermione blinked. This wasn't the first time Ron had mentioned them having kids, but she still wasn't really sure what she wanted. She'd been working hard building a career that actually impacted the magical world, not just earned money for them.

"Maybe someday," she said softly. Taking that as her agreeing, Ron started talking about names for their future children. She tuned him out again looking at the dull grey the sky had become.

"It looks like might rain," she stated. Ron looked up.

"It does. Why don't we call it a day?" he suggested. She nodded in agreement, but not before Ron dragged her to one more shop.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I still don't own Harry Potter.**

**Trigger Warning: As seen in description, this story deals majorly with depression.**

Back home, Ron disappeared somewhere leaving Hermione to put away her purchases, the two books. Picking up the one Professor Snape had given her, something fell to the floor. She blinked and bent down to pick it up. It was a business cards advertising Prince Apothecaries. She bit back a half smile. So what was what Snape was doing with his life now, she was surprised he hadn't corrected her when she'd called him 'professor'. There was a handwritten address scrawled on the back and she recognized his handwriting.

"I wonder why..." she muttered placing it back in the book. She read the first few pages, realizing quickly the book was about depression and how it affected magic in general.

"Depression? That's what this is?" she asked herself. Now she knew Ron wouldn't understand, he had the emotion range of a teaspoon.

The next few days, she read the book whenever she had a chance. Since Ron was working a fair amount, that gave her a lot of time to read. She had just reached the fifth chapter, which talked about potions that could help with depression when something clicked into her mind. Professor Snape probably brewed many of these potions, hence why he gave her the card. She smiled realizing that at least he seemed to care about her well being.

Ron had talked to her this morning, finally having noticed she wasn't herself, well not the self he remembered.

"I like this new you, 'Mione. You're not as bossy and you don't act like I'm stupid anymore!" She had barely even blinked through the exhaustion of having had just gotten up and made him breakfast. He seemed to expect her to make all the meals, something she had forced herself to get used to.

"That's nice," she stated stabbing her eggs with her fork and taking a bite.

"I bet that's why you got that promotion at work, no one wants to work for someone who's always got to be right," he added. She glared. She'd gotten that promotion through hard work, thank you very much. Right now, that was the only thing that even brought her a small bit of joy. The fact with this new title, she had more power to fix the inequalities of the wizarding world, including those involving magical creatures, such as house elves.

"If you say so," she responded losing interest in breakfast. Ron had started talking about buying a new broom and trying out for some professional Quiddich team. She doubted he would make it, he really wasn't that great of a player, but she smiled at all the right times.

Once he left, she crawled back into bed letting the tears fall from her eyes. How had things gotten like this? She knew she should be happy, Ron was happy. She had her dream job, well, close to it. Everything was falling into place. Maybe she just missed Harry. When he'd first left, she'd tried to owl him, but the owls came back without a response. She knew he was getting her letters at least.

Her eyes fell on the book. She'd left it on her nightstand. She reached over and picked it up, the card falling out again. She blinked. Could a potion really help her? Help her feel something again, help her be herself? She picked up the card holding it between her fingers. The address was in Diagon Alley. She shuddered. She didn't want to return there, it was too painful, a reminder of everything and everyone she'd lost. She put the card back on the nightstand and curled back under the covers.

"Hermione! I'm home!" She opened her eyes and sighed. She'd fallen asleep and not accomplished anything today. Ron practically ran into the room.

"They said I had a chance! Barely anyone applied, and I saw some of the other tryouts, they were horrible, like McLaggen was in school. I might make a professional team, Hermione! Get up, are you sick or something? We should celebrate!" he shouted. She nodded slowly getting out of bed.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," she lied. Going out and celebrating something that most likely wouldn't happen was pretty much the last thing she wanted to do right now.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I don't own Hermione, or Ron, or any other characters. **

Hermione groaned. Everything ached. She sat up slowly, her spinning. She reached over and knocked a handful of stuff off her nightstand. How much had she had to drink last night? She knew the answer...too much. Ron was still asleep next to her. She could hear his snoring. He sounded like a damn chainsaw. She pulled back the blankets and froze.

She didn't remember doing that last night, Merlin how drunk had she been? No wonder she ached. She managed to find her wand and summon a glass of water. Gulping it down didn't help as much as she'd hoped. She set the empty glass on the nightstand and climbed out of bed. Her clothes from last night were on the floor. She picked them up, noticing a few scratches on her legs. A sick feeling started growing in her stomach. Pushing past it she forced herself to think about last night.

She remembered leaving with Ron, he'd wanted her wearing the red dress. It was his favorite, it was also the most low cut of her wardrobe. They'd gone...where had they gone? Hermione couldn't remember the last time she'd gotten this drunk. She leaned against the wall of the shower turning the water on with a loud 'hsss'.

The cold water started clearing her head a bit. The name of the place had started with 'P'. That much she remembered. They'd gone to dinner, had some wine. Ron had ordered something outrageously expensive, joking about how if he made the team, they'd never have to worry about money again. She hated how he always brought up money, like it was some defining characteristic about a person. Malfoy had had money, before the war, and he'd been a right git.

She shook her head, why the bloody hell was she thinking about Malfoy? After dinner, Ron had taken her to a bar, she couldn't remember which one, they all looked the same she'd noticed. He'd ordered drink after drink. She frowned. She really only remembered ordering one.

She finished her shower, stepped out and grabbed her towel. She could hear Ron stirring in their bedroom. She wondered if he was as hung over as she had been? She slipped on her bathrobe and walked back into the room. Ron was up, grumbling about something.

"Morning," she chirped sounding a lot more awake and perky than she actually felt. He glared at her.

"Well, it is," she stated.

"Bossy know it all," Ron grumbled. Hermione just ignored him and got dressed.

"Hopefully you'll hear back from the team today about the position."

"Do we have any hang over potion?"

"Bathroom, under the sink. Green bottle," she answered looking for her white socks. She'd found one and was pretty sure Crookshanks had stolen the other one.

"Can you grab it for me?"

"Why? You're going in there to pee anyway." She found the sock under the bed along with several others. Ron grumbled stomping to the bathroom.

"You left the towel wet again!"

"I took a shower. Excuse me if I forget to magically dry the towel after use. I wasn't raised that way." Hermione sighed pulling open the curtains to allow the morning sunlight to fill the room. She blinked how bright it was, feeling the warm of the sun wash over her through the glass.

"I'm going to head to work early today, Hermione. Owl me immediately if you hear anything about the team, got it?" Ron was back, she could hear him getting dressed. She touched her fingers to the glass of the window. Despite the bright light flooding the room, the glass itself was cold.

"Of course," she answered facing him a smile on her face. She hoped he would hear back soon, it was what he really wanted after all. How couldn't she be happy he might get the chance to follow his dreams.

"Do you have any plans for today 'Mione?"

"No, not really." Ron had crossed the room and glanced out the window.

"What's this?" he asked picking up the book and flipping through it. "Depression? Seriously, 'Mione, all that head stuff is completely made up." She grabbed the book from his hands, her face flushing. She'd known he wouldn't understand, but have him openly state when she was feeling didn't exist...

"It is not," she stated, sliding the card from the book into her pocket. She wasn't about to let him find that too. He'd really mock her then.

"Hermione, I'm not going to argue with you, if you're sad, use a cheering charm. You know how to do them," he stated. "So, what's for breakfast?"

"Toast," she answered fighting back tears as she headed towards the kitchen. Ron followed her.

"What is wrong with you today? Seriously, you were much more fun last night."

"I was drunk last night, apparently. I don't even remember drinking that much," she snapped back.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I don't own Harry Potter or any related characters.**

Breakfast was silent, Ron reading the paper while Hermione poked at her food. He glanced up once at her, and then turned his attention back to the daily news. They never discussed the paper anymore. Apparently, Ron couldn't handle Hermione pointing out the bias on some of the articles.

_ "If that's what they meant, they would have said it," he'd argued. She resisted the urge to roll her eyes, wondering how she had ended up with someone so dense. _

_ "Maybe because they couldn't actually go out and say it? Maybe because saying anything about pure blood superiority is practically a crime right now? Or maybe their editors told them it would alienate their audience too much. Or the ministry isn't in support of that particular position right now?"_

_ "You're reading too much into it Hermione. Sometimes things just are." He'd ignored her the rest of that morning and she had a feeling he'd only understood half of what she'd even said. _

"'Mione, can we have something different for breakfast? I'm tired of eggs," he stated. She looked up at him. It was hard enough to be bothered to make a breakfast when she wasn't interested in eating.

"Sure, fine," she answered. "Just write it on the grocery list," she added. "That way I know what you'd like."

"Kay. I'd better get going. Let me know what that owl arrives," he said standing. She rose also and walked him to the door.

"Love you 'Mione."

"Love you too, Ron," she echoed as he kissed her on the cheek before leaving. Once he was gone, she glanced around the kitchen. She cleaned off the table, washed the dishes, and wondered what she wanted to do today. Nothing sounded good, not even reading. She shrugged, heading into the living room, she glanced around and started reorganizing the bookshelf.

Noon came before she knew it and Ron was home again for lunch. He liked to come home for lunch, show he could come and go as he pleased. Hermione knew she could do the same, but where would she go? She didn't have any friends to hang out with, not with Harry gone. On days she worked, she had that routine, but on her days off, she didn't know what to do with herself.

"This is good, you should keep this recipe," Ron said with his mouth full of food. She hated how he had never learned proper table manners, even after years of repeatedly telling him.

"I'll file it with the other ones you liked," she replied. There hadn't been a recipe, she'd been so lost, so just out of it, she'd thrown half the food in the fridge in a casserole dish and called it a meal. She'd have to go shopping later this week, a task she was seriously starting to dread, all those people...she really just wanted to crawl back in bed and pull the blankets over her head.

"Work's going well, got a new case, so there'll be a fair amount of paperwork. I wish I had known being a auror was all filing and paperwork, it's boring Hermione."

"You're still new, I mean, once you get more experience, I'm sure there will be more interesting assignments."

"Maybe, but if I get this position, being a Quiddich player, that's much more exciting. Have there been any owls yet?"

"No, not yet. It's been a quiet day."

"Oh, mum said we should come over for Sunday night dinner." Hermione nodded although she really didn't want to deal with Sunday night dinner at the Burrow. Mrs. Weasley, like Ron, wanted them to start a family.

"Alright. Is everyone going this week?" she asked. Maybe she could spend that time talking to Fleur, see how the French dealt with the inequalities between wizards and humanoid creatures.

"I think so, why?"

"I wanted to talk to Fleur about some things," she stated.

"Alright, well, I've got to get back. I'll see you for dinner, maybe a roast?" Hermione smiled. A roast, she could do that, just put it in the oven and let it cook itself.

"I'll see you then," she said as he kissed her and headed back to the ministry.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I still don't own Harry Potter.**

Hermione set the roast in the over, humming slightly. She felt a little better, something she had been longing for. It felt like the grey clouds hanging over her had lifted. She even spiral cut the carrots, making them look like little roses.

She'd just set the pot of water to boil for the potatoes when a owl glided through the open window and landed on the table. She walked over hoping it would be something besides someone saying they wanted yet another interview with one of the Golden Trio.

She'd done a fair amount of interviews in the beginning, since Harry wasn't around. Ron always sounded like an idiot when he did one. Hermione couldn't really fault him, he didn't understand most of what had happened, not really, not the the depths she had. Hell, he'd abandoned them for a while.

She gently removed the letter from the owl's leg, gave him a small treat and sent him along. She recognized the wax seal on the letter and smiled. Ron would going to be so happy, she hoped. What if it was a rejection letter...she tried holding it up to the light to see if she could read through the thick parchment, but she couldn't. Shaking her head, she placed the letter on the table.

"Hopefully it's what he's waiting for," she whispered. She glanced at the clock, Ron would be home soon, so there was no real point in contacting him at work. Soon the aroma from the roast filled the whole house, and Hermione couldn't help but smile. This wasn't quite how she'd pictured her life, but at this second, it felt alright.

"'Mione, I'm home."

"The owl you were waiting for arrived, the letter's on the table. I didn't want to disturb you at work."

"Should have, paperwork is boring."

"I know, you've mentioned it. Well, what does it say?" she asked carrying dinner to the table. Ron was on his feet jumping around the kitchen, he nearly knocked the plate of roast from Hermione's hands.

"I'm going to guess you got a spot on the team?'

"Yes! You're looking at the new Keeper for the Kemperly Krusaders!" Hermione smiled as Ron hugged her, twirling her around the room.

"I'm glad you made it Ron," she stated wishing she actually felt that way instead of just numb.

"Let's eat, wow, that looks amazing!" Ron said taking a large chunk of roast and stabbing it with his fork. He continued to talk about his new team the entire time. Hermione smiled listening to him, she was glad he was excited. Maybe the excitement would be contagious and this would chase away the feelings she'd been having.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: I don't own Harry Potter or any related characters. **

"Do you have to leave so soon?" Hermione asked watching Ron packing his suitcase. It was barely even sunrise. She still had a few hours before she had to leave for work.

"I know, I know, but the team wants me to be closer for opening week. I need all the practice I can get. Don't worry, I'll be back in a week, I promise." Hermione nodded kissing Ron. He slid the suitcase from the bed pushing his wife onto the bed.

"I can stay a bit longer," he whispered slowly undoing her shirt. He smiled at her sliding off his pants as he mounted her and vanished her skirt and panties. As he moved against her, she wondered if this would ever feel the way she'd heard it described, if she would ever feel the pleasure she was supposed to. Ron finished kissing her roughly before sliding from the bed.

"I love you, and I will see you in a week, I promise, 'Mione." He dressed, grabbed his suitcase and apparated from their doorstep. Hermione blinked looking down at her missing clothing. She sat up slowly, her thighs ached and she was sore. She bit back tears as she walked to the bathroom and cleaned herself up. She wondered, not for the first time, if this was what sex was like for everyone?

"Can depression affect that?' she mused picking up the book and flipping to the index. She found that yes, there was a link.

"Well, Ron's never going to believe that," she muttered. He was still claiming all she needed was a cheering charm. Of course, that's when he had noticed her moping around. Most of the time, he was too busy chattering about his new team and how she could watch all the games. She hadn't mentioned she'd rather have her eyes clawed out by rapid badgers.

HHHHHHHH

"Mrs. Weasley, did you get the memo I sent you?" Hermione looked up from the paperwork she'd been working on.

"Which one Higgins? The one about the magical carpets or the one about the cure for Dragon Pox?" she asked boredly. "Neither of which are my department, which in case you forgot is dealing with magical creatures and their lack of status in the wizarding world." Hermione smiled as Higgins quickly darted off.

He'd been pestering her with nonsense for nearly a month now, she was debating if he was just trying to get her to do his work for him, or if he was just a git who thought he stood a chance with her. Sighing she finished her paperwork, sent it the appropriate wizard and sighed again. Even work was starting to become tedious.

Her mind slipped back to that morning, to Ron walking out the door to start his exciting new job. Maybe a career change would...she didn't know. She'd worked so hard for this promotion and now it was as if it barely mattered.

"Mrs. Weasley?" Hermione was starting to hate that title.

"Yes? Is this about the merfolk of Black lake or the house elves?" she asked.

"House elves. School starts next week and Headmistress McGonagall wants to make sure she's got the proper forms for the ones working there."

"I already owled them to her yesterday. She'll have them in time. There must be some delay with all the school owls at the moment. I'll take care of it. Thank you." Hermione slipped out from her desk. The day was over, finally. She almost headed home, but paused. Ron was gone, there was nothing at home for her at the moment.

As she left the office, her mind remembered what she'd been looking at this morning, how there were potions that could...might make her feel something again. She turned when she left the ministry building and headed towards Diagon Alley.

Snape's shop was easy enough to find, it was the only one painted in mostly black. She pushed the door open and stepped inside.

"Miss Granger, to what do I owe this visit?" He asked. She was almost surprised he didn't have someone running the counter for him so he could do all important brewing.

"You do know I'm married now, sir."

"Unfortunately, yes. I read about it the prophet. Now, what can I help you with?"

"I read about a family of potions that can help with depression," she whispered.

"You read the book."

"Yes, sir." He nodded pulling a vial from under the counter. "How did you know?"

"I suspected even when you were in school, however, as you know the wizarding world does not see mental health as something to be concerned about."

"Yes. I'm not surprised."

"This is one of the potions mentioned in the book. It is the one with the lowest dosage, and least amount of side-effects."  
"Does it work, sir?" she asked looking at it.

"Not for everyone. And before you ask, yes this is completely legal. I have a contract with St. Mungo's to dispense these potions, although they do not believe depression is anything more than an emotional issue." Hermione fought the urge to roll her eyes. No wonder the wizarding world was so messed up.

"Is it safe?"

"For the most part, as I said, there can be side-effects, which is why if you decide to go this route, I will require you to return in two days just to make sure you are suffering no ill effects." She nodded, that sounded reasonable.

"How much?" She realized she wanted this, wanted to feel something again. If this would do that, then...why shouldn't she at least try it?

"Two galleons for a months supply, to be dispensed a week at a time." She pulled the money from her bag and handed it to her former potions professor. He bagged up seven vials and handed her the bag.

"I will see you in two days, Miss Granger." She smiled at him before leaving.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: I do not own Harry Potter or any related characters.**

**Warning: This chapter contains almost non-con, it doesn't get that far, but be warned.**

The next two days seemed like she was walking on a cloud. She took the potion in the morning and by the time she'd finished poking at her breakfast it seemed to be doing something. She'd doubled checked the book, but it only confirmed what Professor Snape had said.

It was nearing noon on the second day when she made her way towards Diagon Alley, towards Professor Snape's shop. She stopped at the ice cream shop along with way and bought herself a chocolate cone with cherry topping. She couldn't remember the last time she'd actually enjoyed something.

"Good afternoon," she announced walking into the shop. Professor Snape was behind the counter and looked up in surprise at hearing her voice. He motioned for a shop hand to take over and walked towards her.

"Good afternoon, Miss Granger, no, I'm not going to call you by his name, I know you hate it."

"Thank you, sir."

"Why don't we adjourn to my office so we can discuss how your treatment is going in private?" She nodded following him to a back room. She slid into the leather chair and he sat across from her at his desk. She recognized it as the one from his office at school.

"How are you feeling, Miss Granger?"

"Amazing," she answered truthfully. "I actually ate an ice cream cone on the way here and enjoyed it, I don't know the last time I actually enjoyed something, sir. Thank you, so much."

"I'm glad the potion is working, have you experienced any side-effects?" She couldn't help staring at him, at the way his hands moved when he spoke, at his hair, his eyes. She leaned over the desk slightly using a non-verbal spell to undo the top button of her blouse. He didn't notice.

"I don't believe so, sir. But it's only been two days."

"Yes, some of them do tend to be immediate, such as if you were to be allergic to the potion or one of its ingredients."

"Oh," she whispered opening her eyes wide. Professor Snape blinked a few times staring at her.

"Are you alright, Miss Granger?"

"It's just a little warm in here, sir," she answered.

"Let me get you a water," he offered noticing her face was in fact flushed. She nodded as he left the room. She quickly undid another button on her blouse, wondering why she'd never felt this way with Ron. He returned with a cup of water and handed it to her. She slowly took a sip watching him from over the rim of the glass. He had his back turned towards her at the moment and she couldn't help but admire his butt.

She wondered exactly what to do about the way she was currently feeling, the lust building in her. She was married, damn it! Ron would be back soon, she reminded herself. She was so busy trying to ignore the feelings that she managed to dump the water down her blouse instead of taking a drink.

"Shit," she muttered. He turned and noticed her blouse, noticed the undone buttons.

"Another side-effect of the potion can be an increased libido," he stated handing her a tissue to dry her shirt. She nodded dabbing the damp spot.

"The book didn't mention that," she commented.

"I'll have to make sure to write the author. I might need to adjust your dosage, Miss Granger, if the side-effects are too determental to your everyday life."

"Thank you, sir," she responded standing up. He started walking her towards the door of the office when she turned and kissed him roughly. He froze, her hands grabbed at his shirt. Slowly she started unbuttoning it. He reached up to stop her.

"Miss Granger." She pulled back sheepishly, her face flushed. Part of him wanted her to continue, he hadn't had the touch of a woman in a long time. He shook those thoughts from his head. He couldn't. She didn't feel anything towards him, it was just a side-effect of the potion.

"I'm sorry, sir, I don't know what came over me."

"Definitely an adjustment," he stated. They walked back out into the main part of the shop. He paused at the desk to jot down something and grabbed a small vial.

"Take one drop of this with the five remaining doses, Miss Granger. It should curtail this particular side-effect." She nodded taking it and placing it in her bag.

"I'm sorry, sir."

"It's alright, Miss Granger, if there are any more problems, please come see me, or go to St. Mungo's depending on the situation."

"Yes, sir," she agreed before leaving. He watched her leave and sighed with relief. If she had tried to go at him again, he wasn't sure he would have been able to stop himself.

"Watch the shop a bit longer," he ordered his assistant before going upstairs to his personal flat and taking a very, very cold shower.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/'N: I don't own Harry Potter**

**This chapter contains a little smut. You have been warned.**

Ron arrived home late in the day at the end of the week. Hermione was waiting for him, wearing a short skirt and a button down top.

"'Mione, wow," he whistled as she nearly dragged him to their room and pushed him on the bed.

"I missed you," she stated climbing on top of him.

"Now this is a welcome back," he whispered kissing her as he wiggled out of his clothes. She vanished hers wandlessly. Ron didn't notice he was too busy fondling her breasts, rubbing himself against her. She pushed him back down against the bed taking him roughly. He moaned loudly in appreciation.

"That's it, witch, keep that up," he whispered in her ear. He came quickly with her following. She slid off, laying next to him on the bed.

"Missed you," she stated.

"Missed you too, baby. If that's the kind of welcome I'm going to be getting, maybe I'll be gone more often," he joked. She sighed and curled against him.

RHRHRHRHRHRHRH

"Mione, wake up, you need to make dinner." She blinked her eyes open slowly. She was still naked, Ron was wearing a pair of shorts.

"You make it," she mumbled stretching.

"Hermione."

"Fine, I'm getting up, give me a minute. I think you wore me out," she smirked. Ron smiled kissing her lightly on the lips. She slid from the bed and threw on a silky bathrobe. She tried to remember when she'd bought it, but came up blank.

Dinner was chicken, since it was what Hermione already had in the fridge. She made a mental note she still needed to go grocery shopping. Only this time, the idea didn't strike fear in her. Humming slightly, she set the table.

"This is pretty good, needs a little more spices."

"Okay. How was practice? Are things working out well with the team?"

"Amazing, Hermione. It's just amazing. We've all got Wagner Elfs. I told you about them right?" She vaguely remembered him mention the broom.

"It's Germen, right?" He smiled.

"Yes! They're incredibly fast, it's almost like you're apparating from one end of the pitch to the other! The other team isn't going to know what hit them."

"How are you teammates?"

"Not bad, I'm starting to get along with them, especially Gellabee, that's our seeker. Fastest on a broom, not even Harry could pull off some of those moves."

"That's great, Ron. I'm happy you're happy. Oh, I tried that ice cream place again, the one in Diagon Alley."

"The one we went to?"

"Yes, that one. It was really good, you're right, someday when we have kids, it'll be nice taking them there." Hermione couldn't help but be shocked at her own words. Now she was thinking about children? She had the job she'd wanted, within a few years, she would have changed many things in the wizarding world. Maybe it was time to start thinking about the future?

"I don't know what happened while I was gone, 'Mione, but I like this you. I really like this you, it's like when we were younger, only without the bossiness. I'm going to go unpack, don't forget the wash the dishes." She nodded watching him leave. Still smiling she started washing the dishes, drying each one carefully.

As she put them away, she noticed Ron's Quiddich bag on the floor. Sighing at him for leaving things all over the house, she picked it up and went to put it away when she noticed a piece of pink fabric sticking out. She gently pulled on it, revealing a pink handkerchief.

"Odd," she muttered shoving it back in the bag, but not before noticing her initials embroidered on the corner. She didn't remember ever owning a pink handkerchief.

"Am I losing my mind?" she asked herself. She glanced at the robe she was wearing, still not remembering purchasing it. Could the potion be messing with her memory? She made a note to stop by Professor Snape's tomorrow at lunch to ask him. Maybe he could help her?


	9. Chapter 9

By the next day, she'd actually managed to put the robe and handkerchief out of her mind. It was entirely possible the handkerchief was a gift Ron had yet to give her. As for the robe, maybe she'd bought it when she'd been depressed and not remembered.

Work was fairly boring, Ron did stop by at lunchtime to eat with her.

"I can't wait for you to see me play, 'Mione. I think you'll like the other Quidditch girls."

"Quidditch girls?"

"The wives and witches of my teammates. Hasting's wife is hilarious." Hermione nodded wondering when Ron had had time to meet all these people.

"Oh, they call came to watch the training?"

"Yeah, I would have brought you, but you were being boring. Now you're better, so I can bring you with me. The team's going to training on and off for the next month. I have two weeks before I leave again."

"I'll miss you," Hermione said realizing she actually meant it.

"I know, I'll bring you something, I forgot this last time. Guess I got so busy with training. Well, I've got to get back to work. Love you 'Mione."

"Love you too," she whispered as he apparated. She smiled slightly, the idea of meeting new people, maybe making some friends, she hadn't had that opportunity in so long.

The rest of the day passed uneventfully, it wasn't until Hermione headed home that things changed. The lights were off in the small house. Normally Ron would beat her home, she had been running late again. There had been a small conflict involving the merfolk of Black Lake. There were two tribes and they seemed to be on the verge of war. Thankfully, Hermione had managed to make some headway in diverting the conflict.

"Ron? Are you home yet?" she called putting her bag on the table next to the door. Her wand was still in her pocket. Since the war, she was never unarmed. She flipped on the lights and discovered she was home alone.

There was a note on the fridge,

_Hermione, hey, Hastings, he's the captain, called me, wanted to try out this new routine. Gellabee picked me up, I should be home before you go to bed. Miss and love you, Ron_

She glared at the note. Of course, Ron would rather play quidditch than spend time with her. No, she couldn't think that way, it didn't do her any good.

"Of course they want him to play more. He's new to the team, he needs to learn all the plays," she muttered to herself. She made herself a cup of tea and some of the left over chicken. She still felt a little on edge so she tried to curl up in the library with a book. She'd recently gotten a copy of a new Transfiguration Journal. She still found the subject fascinating.

"Hermione? You still awake?" She blinked her eyes a few times.

"Ron? I'm in the library," she called stretching. The book fell to the floor with a soft 'thud'.

"Always in the library," she heard Ron joke. Just by the sound of his voice, she could tell he'd been drinking. She sighed. Hadn't he been at practice? He appeared in the doorway.

"I was reading, how was practice?" she asked. He started telling her all these complicated details about some insanely difficult play he was trying to master.

"And after that, we went to Vailey's to celebrate."

"Celebrate what?"

"The Vlaski Dive, weren't you listening?"

"You were describing a move that involved distracting a keeper, I didn't know you'd mastered it," she commented. Her voice came out a little rougher than she had meant it. She could smell the alcohol on Ron's clothes.

"I thought I mentioned it, oh well, I'm tired, night 'Mione. Love you," he planted a very drunken kiss on her lips before stumbling off to bed. She sighed, looked at her book and crawled into bed herself.

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

The next few days were uneventful. Ron and her lived happilyish, her making the meals, and him bragging about this team. Most nights he went out with the team, practicing this or that. He had yet to invite her. He usually came home at least slightly drunk.

Ron was gone before she awoke. She idly wondered how he'd managed to find himself a hangover potion. She made her breakfast and realized she was upset. She wasn't sure why exactly, maybe because Ron had been out drinking. Why shouldn't he? If he'd really managed to master a difficult move, shouldn't he be allowed to celebrate?

She was so distracted by these thoughts, her arm brushed against the pan of eggs on the stove. She yelped loudly in pain, a large red burn crossed her arm. She stared at it for a moment, slowly she brought her fingers to the burn.

The skin was blistering as she touched it. Part of her knew she should take care of it immediately, but another part of her found the pain from the burn almost calming. She wondered if Ron would even notice it. Would he even notice if she wasn't there?

That thought sobered her thinking. Pulling her eyes from her arm, she ran upstairs and started treating the burn. While she treated her arm, feeling the coolness of the burn cream, she grabbed the book. She flipped the page about the potion she was now taking. Her face fell slightly when she started reading more of the side-effects.

"Suicidal thoughts," she whispered staring at the words until they blurred. Knowing Ron wouldn't be home until some time tonight, she flooed to the Leaky Cauldron.

"Morning, Mrs. Weasley," Hannah chirped as Hermione entered.

"Morning, Hannah, and it's Hermione."

"Sorry, I'm on business owner mode. Speaking of which, could you let Ron know his tab's due by the end of the month?" Hermione blinked in confusion.

"His tab?"

"Him and his drinking buddies."

"Team, his quidditch team," Hermione corrected. They had been drinking at the Cauldron and Ron had never invited her?

"Oh, right. Just let him know, kay?"

"I will, thank you Hannah." Hermione sighed stepping out onto the street. The sky was grey today, it looked like it might snow. She made her way quickly to Professor Snape's shop.

"Can I help you, ma'am?" a witch asked from the counter. Hermione wished Professor Snape had greeted her.

"Um, hi, is Professor Snape available?"

"One of his former students?"

"Yes, he's providing me a potion, he said to come by if there were any side-effects."

"Ahh, just a minute, he's in brewing room. I'll go fetch him for you."

"Thank you."


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: I don't own Harry Potter**

**Warning: this chapter contains sex, and dubious consent.**

Hermione shifted from foot to foot waiting for Professor Snape. She finally heard his footsteps. She wondered if he did that deliberately now, since she remembered he'd been able to move silently in school. Maybe the stones of the castle had just masked his footsteps somehow?

"Miss Granger, what brings you by today?"

"The potion, I think, I think it made me...can we talk in private?" He nodded leading her to his office again. She sank into the chair shaking slightly.

"What's wrong?"

"I burned my arm, sir, and instead of healing it, I stared at it. I wondered if...if...Ron would even notice the burn, notice I was hurt. I...started to wonder if...he'd even notice if I was gone."

"Gone? As in leaving him?" She shook her head, tears building in her eyes. He walked over to her, she buried her face against him sobbing loudly.

"No. As in gone," she finally whispered.

"Did you act on these thoughts at all, Miss Granger?"

"Please, call me Hermione, please. No, I healed my arm, and came here. I didn't know what else to do, I'm forgetting things too."

"Memory loss?"

"Maybe? There was a robe I don't remember buying, I...I thought Ron was home last night, but his bed was empty. I...don't." Someone knocked on the door. Professor Snape sighed.

"Stay right there, Hermione. I'll be right back, sometimes I wonder about these dunderheads I employ." He stalked out of the room closing the door behind him. Hermione looked around the office, her eyes landing on a silver letter opener sitting on the desk. Leaning forward she picked it up, watching it shine in the light.

She gently touched it to her wrist, feeling the cold metal. One edge was slightly sharp, almost reminding her of a knife. Her hand trembled as she slid it against her skin, almost admiring the way little beads of blood formed on her arm.

"No, I...I can't," she whispered throwing the letter opener away. She wrapped her wrist in her cloak. The door swung open. Professor Snape stepped back into the room. He took one look at her, her wrist wrapped in her cloak. He grabbed her arm and pulled her from her chair.

"Let's go, I'm taking you upstairs, I've got dittany upstairs, do I even want to know what you used?"

"Letter opener," she whispered looking at the ground.

"I didn't realize how bad you were. I'm sorry, I never should have left you alone." He led her up a flight of steps into a large bathroom. A claw footed tub stood against one wall. He sat her down on the edge of it.

"I'm sorry, sir...I don't know what...it was just..."

"Shh, I know, sometimes the pain is all you want, a chance to escape from whatever demons are in your head. Let me see your arm." She unwrapped it and held it out to him. He nodded treating the cut. "It's not too deep, thankfully."

"I think the potion is making it worse, I...felt happy at first, now."

"We might have to find a different one for you, Hermione. I was hoping to keep you on something low dose, but these side-effects worry me a little." Hermione hissed as he healed her wrist and then looked at her other wrist. He nodded seeing it was clean.

"Thank you sir," she whispered as he helped her to her feet. She slipped slightly and fell against him. She could feel her heart pounding in her chest.

"Are you alright?"

"Yes, I...could you just hold me, sir? Please, I just need someone to hold me," she whispered. He nodded allowing her to lay her head against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her, holding her closely.

He could feel her trembling slow, could feel himself wanting her. He tried to dismiss those thoughts, tried to remind himself she was married. Her fingers had found the buttons on his cloak, slowly unbuttoning them, until the cloak billowed around the pair.

"Hermione," he whispered. "You don't want to do this, it's the potion."

"I don't think so," she stated running her fingers over his shirt. "I want to feel like a woman, sir, like I matter. Don't deny you don't feel something towards me. I can see it in your eyes, sir." Severus stared at the witch standing in front of him. He knew he shouldn't, but he leaned forward, bring her to him. Her lips trembled as he brought his to hers. The chemistry was undeniable. Within minutes, his fingers had undressed her, revealing her scars. He glanced at them briefly until she brought his eyes back to hers.

"Take me, Severus," she whispered. He pushed her against the wall, kissing down her neck, her breasts. She stripped him from his boxers. He navigated her towards his bed, pushing her gently onto the black satin sheets. He climbed on top of her, running his long fingers over her breasts. She moaned under his touch. He thrust himself into her, covering her mouth gently as she let out a small scream. He paused. She wrapped her legs around him, pulling him deeper.

She came with a loud whimpered scream, him not a moment after. He slid off her, laying on the bed next to her. She rolled over to face him.

"Thank you, sir," she whispered sliding from the bed.

"Miss Granger." She glared at him. "Hermione."

"Yes sir."

"This can not happen again. Do you understand." She nodded curtly grabbing her clothes.

"Yes sir."

"I will send your potion by owl, starting tomorrow. You will report to St. Mungo's for side-effects."

"Yes sir," she whispered dressing and leaving him laying naked in his bed.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: I don't own Harry Potter or any related characters**

**Warning: Smut and langauge.**

Hermione slipped back into her house thankful that Ron was still out. She sighed flopping into a chair.

"I just...did that, fuck. Ron's going to kill me...no, I...I can't let him find out. It was a one time thing, just put it out of my mind," she told herself. She nodded already pushing the whole event to the back of her mind.

As she got ready for bed, she couldn't stop thinking about the events of the day. Couldn't stop thinking about his hands on her, how he responded to her every sound. Ron never did that.

"Ron is your husband, knock this off," she muttered to herself. She glanced at herself in the mirror. She still looked like herself, not like a woman who would cheat. Her eyes fell on the book hidden under her nightstand.

"The potion. I can blame it on the potion, yes, I would never do something like that. I don't even have to see him again." She smiled crawling into bed.

The next morning, Ron woke her.

"'Mione, there's an owl for you." She yawned stretching. She hadn't heard Ron come in last night. She must have been tired. She walked over to the window. Ron had opened it and allowed the owl inside. She reached out and took a small bag from it's leg. She recognized Professor Snape's apothicary's mark on the bag.

"Anything good?" Ron asked as Hermione gave the owl her payment.

"Just a potion I ordered."

"For?" Hermione rolled her eyes. She knew Ron thought the whole mental illness thing was a bunch of thestral shit and she was getting tired of trying to explain it to him.

"Girl things," she stated watching his reaction. As she expected he made a face but didn't ask any more questions. It wasn't like he tracked her cycle anyway.

"Now that you're up, breakfast?" She sighed. She knew she'd been making breakfast every day for the last week, but today, she really just wanted to snap at him. She didn't, still feeling guilty. The thought of Professor Snape against her body, the thought of his hands on her. She couldn't get it out of her mind. What was this feeling? It wasn't anything like she felt for Ron.

So lost in her thoughts, she managed to burn breakfast to a crisp.

"What the hell is wrong with you today, 'Mione?" She only shook her head.

"Why don't we just go out to breakfast?" she suggested. Ron nodded.

"Good idea, it's been awhile since I've been able to show you off, get dressed in something else. Maybe that set of blue robes?" She sighed but complied. They apparated to the Brunch Nook, a small cafe in Diagon Alley. Hermoine nibbled on her muffin while Ron ate a large plate of eggs, sausage, and rolls. Something outside the window caught Hermione's attention. A person in black billowing robes, Professor Snape.

"What are you looking at?"

"Nothing," she lied turning her attention back to Ron and his story about something involving a broom and the quaffle.

"Was it Snape? Is that who you were looking at?"

"And if I was? What's it to you, Ron."

"He's a creep, Hermione. I know you've been to his shop."

"You're following me now? What the hell Ron?"

"I wasn't. I was going to surprise you at work, and you had just left...you went there."

"He makes the potion I'm taking."

"For what?"

"Depression."

"Back to that mental nonsense? I've told you, there's nothing wrong with your brain. Just take a cheering charm. I don't want you anywhere near him."

"Why? Why shouldn't I get my potions from him? He's the best at it. Besides, it's not like I'm out every night with people racking up a tab at the Cauldron. Hannah told me."

"You don't understand, Hermione. Just stay away from Snape." Ron paid for their breakfast and stormed off. Hermione took half a second before deciding not to follow him.

Instead she made her way down the street. She found herself in front of Professor Snape's shop. Slowly she opened the door. He wouldn't want to see her, not today, probably not ever. She knew she should apologize for yesterday, but the thought of him with her still sent shivers of pleasure over her body.

"Miss Granger? To what do I owe the pleasure?" She smiled at him.

"I was thinking...about yesterday, sir."

"My office, now." She nodded following him. He was already at his desk when she entered and slid into her usual seat.

"Now what, Miss Granger?"

"I can't stop thinking about you, sir."

"That's a first. You have a husband, Miss Granger."

"I want you. No, don't tell me it's just the medicine, thank you for sending it, by the way. Yesterday was nothing like anything I've experienced. I can't...I burned breakfast thinking about your hands on my skin."

"One minute, Miss Granger," he stepped out into the main store, ordered someone to watch the shop and returned.

"We shouldn't."

"No, we shouldn't...but..." her voice had a slight hopeful tone, one he almost couldn't resist. He led her back to his chamber. She stood there, biting her lip. He wondered if she was going to back out.

"You don't have to do this, Miss Granger. I am not forcing you into anything. Does you marriage have a fidelity clause?"

"I think it's a bit late to worry about that, sir," she whispered bringing her lips to his.

"Severus. My name is Severus, you will call me by it." She nodded pushing her body against his as they maneuvered towards the bed. She pushed him down climbing on top. He smirked rolling over so she was on her back. She looked up at him, her eyes burning with desire. He could feel himself harden just looking at her.

"Please," she whispered. He nodded kissing her slowly, her hands wrapping around his neck. With a flick of his wrist he vanished all their clothing. Hermione wrapped her legs around his waist, pulling herself onto his erect member. Her moans set him off, as he pushed her down hard against the bed. Her fingernails claws at his back as he thrust.

"Gods witch, you're tight," he whispered in her ear. She moaned softly bringing her lips to his. His hands moved up her body, pausing at her breasts. Slowly he spread his fingers over them, touching her nipples slightly. She arched her back in pleasure.

"You like that," he whispered, his lips brushing against her ear.

"Yes," she hissed, a sound that made him jut against her harder, his cock deep in her.

"You're about to finish me, witch," he stated. She laughed arching against him, her breasts pressed against his chest.

"Then go," she ordered. She moaned loudly as he came, her body tight against his. She only took a minute to follow suit, panting heavily as she looked up into his black eyes.

"I love you," she whispered. He stared at her in disbelief, in shock as she closed her eyes in ecstacy.

"Damn it, Hermione," he whispered laying on the bed next to her and watching her glow in bliss.

It was half an hour later, Hermione had fallen asleep. Severus hadn't had the will to wake her. Slowly she blinked her eyes open.

"Where, oh...shit."

"I think that word describes things pretty well, Miss Granger."

"I swore I wouldn't...that it was a one time thing."

"You said you loved me, Miss Granger." She froze, her eyes wide as she searched through her emotions. Severus tossed her her clothing and she dressed numbly.

"About what I said earlier, I think..I think I..."

"Don't. Don't even think about saying those words. You don't love me, you're barely capable of loving yourself. All you're feeling right now is an after affect of what we just did. If that's all it takes to make you love someone, then go shag your husband and maybe you'll love him instead." Hermione bit back tears. She'd been with Ron multiple times.

"It's different with you, you make me feel things."

"Feel what, embarrassment that you cheated, that I...I took advantage of you, I never should have allowed you up here the first time. I should have just altered the potion like you needed...just healed your arm, and sent you on your way. I took advantage of you."

"I don't see it that way."

"Of course you don't. And now you think you're in love with me, Merlin, what did I do to deserve this? Just get out." Hermione bit back tears.

"Severus...I..."

"Mrs. Weasley, please just leave. I do not want to see you anywhere near my shop again. I do not want anything to do with you." She let the tears fall as she left the shop, nearly running until she realized she had no where to go. She'd fought with Ron and now... Biting back her pride, she apparated home, glad to see their house was empty.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: I still don't own Harry Potter.**

**Word count: 903**

She threw herself on the bed and cried until her eyes were raw and empty. At that point, she sat up, cleaned her face and tried to figure out what to do. Ron would be home at some point. She made her way to the kitchen, looked to see if there was a note. There wasn't. She tried not to think about Severus, about him kicking her out of his shop, of his life.

"He doesn't love you," she told herself. "Ron does, you love him," she added. Her mind decided following routine would keep her heart from breaking further. She started making lunch, using some left over chicken. Ron would be hungry when he got home. He'd always liked her chicken salad. Or at least he claimed he had.

Her hands moved of their own accord, chopping, mixing, assembling the meal. Her mind had gone blank, her heart had gone numb. There was nothing except this meal, this meal, and the next. That was how she'd cope. One meal at a time. She had to make them. Ron expected her to.

"Hermione? Are you back yet?" his voice called from the front door.

"In the kitchen. I've made lunch," she called back. She heard Ron toss his bag against the wall. She'd have to clean his uniform later. She was sure he'd been at practice, wasn't that where he always was? She tried not to think about that morning. He hadn't said where he was going, had he? She pushed the thoughts from her head and mentally started listing what she would need to make dinner.

"How did you know I wanted chicken salad?" Ron asked sliding into his seat at the table. She brought the sandwiches over.

"Lucky guess," she answered giving him a tentative smile. He nodded taking a bite.

"Good guess. I was thinking, it's been awhile since we've done anything together. I mean, I've been busy with practice and you've been... I don't know what you've been doing, but it doesn't matter. Tonight, I'm going to take you to meet the team."

"That sounds great," she answered thinking that what she'd been doing, more like who she'd been doing, did matter. She wasn't about to admit it though. "Does that mean I don't need to make dinner?" she asked.

"Exactly, the team's hosting a party, I know it's last minute, but that's how things go sometimes. You still have that blue dress?"

"Which one? I have several. You keep saying my eyes look amazing in blue." Ron laughed.

"They do, 'Mione. They really do. The dark blue one, the one that looks like sapphires, that you wore for the ministry party last year?" Hermione nodded. She knew which dress he was talking about. At least it was fairly modest. She wasn't really sure she wanted the whole team seeing her cleavage.

"Yes, it's in the closet, is that the one you want me to wear tonight?"

"Yes, since it'll be in our team colors." Hermione nodded remembering the team colors for the Krusaders were blue and yellow. Hermione mentally made a note to find a gold necklace to go with the dress. She was sure she had something that would work. She'd never really given much thought to accessorizing, but she was sure Ron would be happy she took the time.

"And what will you be wearing? Your uniform?" she asked.

"Of course, how else will everyone know I'm part of the team. Speaking of which, do you think you can do a refreshing charm on before then? It's starting to smell a little, guess that's part of practice though." She nodded mentally going over the charm. She was glad she could remember all of them. Ron had finished eating.

"I'm going to go over some paperwork from the ministry, you know stuff that's still left from before. I'll be in my office, don't disturb me until four." She nodded. She had plenty to keep busy with until then. She watched him disappear and wonder, for the first time, if she even actually loved him. She quickly forced the thought from her head. Severus didn't love her, he never would. Ron did, she needed to learn how to be happy with what she had. She sighed and picked up Ron's bag. The smell of perfume assaulted her nose. She sneezed loudly.

"Well, that's a stupid way to cover the scent of sweaty Quidditch robes," she muttered resolving to give the whole bag a thorough cleaning. "Might need more than just a refreshing charm," she added carrying it towards the laundry room. There would be enough time to give everything a proper washing if she didn't have to have things done before four.

She shoved the uniform in the washer, glad she'd insisted on some muggle devices. A piece of paper fluttered to the floor. She picked it up figuring she'd see a training schedule, instead the paper was covered in swirly cursive writing, she couldn't read more than a few words. She shoved it back in the bag. It was none of her business, probably just a list of moves and how to do them. Her heart ached, but she ignored it. Severus didn't want her, she reminded herself. Ron was here, Ron loved her, Ron wouldn't... do anything to hurt her. She sank against the washing machine and started sobbing. How had things become such a mess?


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: I still don't own anything worth owning. I, myself, am owned by a grey and white cat. She allows me to write these stories for all you lovely readers. Don't forget to review!**

**Word Count: 636**

The sound of the washer buzzing an hour later pulled her from her misery. She rose, removed the Quidditch robes and looked them over. She knew she couldn't shove them in the dryer, they could shrink or get damaged. The idea of damaging them sent a shiver down her spine. Ron would never forgive her if something happened to them. Him being on the team was the best thing that ever happened to him. She cast a slow drying charm on them and hung them. She went upstairs to find the blue dress Ron had mentioned.

"Blue and yellow," she reminded herself. The dress was hanging exactly where she had placed it. She pulled it out and checked it over. It wasn't wrinkled and since she'd put the charm on the closet, it smelled slightly of her usual perfume. She placed it on the bed and summoned a pair of shoes to match. They floated out of the bottom on the closet and she slid her feet into them. They were still as soft as when she had bought them.

"Just the accessories left," she stated opening the jewelry box Ron had bought her for their anniversary. She wondered if Severus would ever have bought her such a thing, would he have even given her gifts if... No. She couldn't think about him, couldn't think about how much her heart was hurting right now. She pulled out a few gold necklaces, one with a small heart charm on the end. She remembered Slytherin's locket, how the three of them had infiltrated the ministry. The memory brought a hint of a smile to her face. It always had been the three of them, her, Ron and Harry. Now it was just her and Ron.

"We should be happy, we're together, married. I should be happy," she muttered. Her eyes fell on her nightstand and she walked over and pulled open the drawer. Her potions were gone. Ron had thrown them out. She shook her head. That was the end of it then. She couldn't very well ask Severus for more, and she knew St. Mungo's didn't believe depression was real at all. She set the necklace she'd chosen on the bed with the dress and checked the time. Ron's uniform should be dry by now. She went downstairs to check on it pausing briefly as she walked past Ron's study. She could hear him talking to someone. She blinked wondering who he would be talking to, probably a secretary or ex-coworker at the ministry. Shrugging it off, she continued down the hall and checked on the uniform. It had dried perfectly. She carried it back to their room, not even noticing the study door was now open and Ron was watching her every movement. He joined her in their bedroom a minute later.

"Did you find the dress, 'Mione?"

"Yes, I did, I also washed your uniform, Ron. The perfume you were using wasn't doing a very good job with the odor. I know you said just do a refreshing charm, but now it's clean. I did manage to get the grass stain off your knee also." She nodded to the uniform. He stared at her for a moment and then scooped her up in a hug.

"I love you, Hermione. You are the most amazing witch. Here, let me help you into your dress," he offered. Hermione smiled allowing him to zip her up. He clasped her necklace for her and nodded looking at her.

"I love you too," she said as he dressed. She couldn't help but realize as she saw him naked that there was no rush, no feeling of wanting. She pretended that she didn't feel nothing. Pretended she was appreciating his naked form, when all the while her heart screamed for Severus.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: I still don't own Harry Potter**

**Thank you everyone for reading and reviewing, you really do keep the story going**

**Warning: This chapter contains infidelity, depressive thoughts and self-harm – you have been warned.**

Hermione felt everyone's eyes on her and as her and Ron walked into the party. A quick glance of the room told her she didn't know anyone other than Ron.

"Over here, Hastings, hey, this is Hermione," Ron said introducing her to a big blonde wizard with a crooked nose. "He's team captain and plays beater."

"Nice to finally meet you," Hermione said politely wondering if it was just her or if the music was really that loud.

"Same," the man grunted refusing to meet her eyes before joining the party. Hermione didn't know what to make of the introduction, was he being rude or was that just his personality? She didn't have time to dwell on it because Ron was pulling her over to another person.

"Helena!" Ron exclaimed. "This is my wife, Hermione. Hermione, this is Helena Gellabee, our team's keeper." Hermione blinked. She'd never thought that Gellabee was a woman. She racked her brain trying to remember if Ron had ever mentioned the fact.

"Hermione, Ron's told me so much about you," Helena stated giving Hermione a smile. Hermione nodded.

"Same," she answered softly noticing for the first time that it had been Helena's perfume Ron's Quidditch robes had been drenched in. Helena Gellabee, H.G., her mind added. Hermione remembered the handkerchief with those initials, her initials before she'd married Ron.

"And this is Nemant, he's one of our chasers," Ron stated pulling Hermione along not even realizing she was no longer smiling. In fact, her hands had curled into fists at her side. She wanted to believe it was all a coincidence, that he wasn't cheating on her. He loved her! No, it couldn't be, she finally decided. She slowly unclenched her hands and turned her attention back to what Ron and one of his teammates were talking about.

"Why don't you go mingle, Hermione," Ron suggested. "Get to know some of the other wives," he added. Hermione bit her lip glancing around the room. She wasn't sure why she was so anxious about meeting these new people.

"Alright, I'll do that," she finally said realizing Ron had already turned back to the conversation. She slowly made her way away from him, looking for someone to talk to, but everyone was wearing either a team uniform or seemed to be talking to someone else. With a sigh, she found herself standing against the wall, just watching everyone sipping on a cup of punch.

"You look like you'd rather be anywhere but here," a voice said. Hermione turned to the speaker; a witch wearing a green dress.

"I'm afraid I don't know any yet, my husband just made the team last month," she finally said.

"Who's your husband?"

"Ron Weasley, I'm Hermione."

"Oh, wow, he actually brought you finally. We all thought you didn't exist." Hermione blinked.

"Why would you think that?"

"Well, he said he was married, and then hits on half the fans, and even a few of the other witches. Besides, him and Gellabee..." Hermione felt tears start to build in her eyes. She had been trying so hard to dismiss the feeling in her gut. Ron didn't love her, if he did, he wouldn't be cheating.

"I've got to go, thank you," Hermione whispered choking back tears. She managed to find the loo before breaking down and crying. Ron didn't love her, Severus didn't love her, no one loved her. She wiped the tears from her eyes, wondered if she should tell Ron she was leaving, but decided against it. He obviously didn't care about her. He didn't care about her feelings, didn't care what she was going through, had he brought her here to have someone else tell her about what he'd been doing because he was too much of a coward to tell her himself? She took a deep breath and found her way outside. She was still shaking when she apparated home planning to pack her things and leave, not even bothering to worry that she, in all honesty, had nowhere to go. All she knew was that she wanted out.

The house was dark as she entered. Ron didn't love her. She hexed a few of the pictures on mantle of them together.

"You lying cheating git!" she screamed grabbing their wedding photo and throwing it against the wall. The glass shattered from the frame. Hermione blinked, tears streaming down her face. Slowly she picked up one of the shards of clear glass. It sparkled in the dim light.

"No one loves me, no one wants me," she whispered running the sharp edge against her skin. "At least, at least pain won't abandon me," she added watching a faint red line form on her skin.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: I don't own Harry Potter or any related characters. **

**WARNING: This chapter contains self-harm, suicidal thoughts, mentions of depressive thoughts. **

She pressed the glass harder against her skin, reveling in the pain it caused as it sliced her skin. Slowly the skin split and started to bleed. She watched as the blood beaded up, running down her arm. She leaned against the wall, slowly sliding to the floor. She pressed her fingertips against it.

Drawing them back, she stared at the redness of her blood. She wasn't sure why the sight of blood made her start crying, why the pain wasn't enough to make everything go away. She wanted it to all go away. She realized she didn't want to die, she knew that somewhere in her heart. All she wanted was for it all to go away, to feel something other than the ache in her chest, the screaming thoughts in head.

Tears started pouring from her eyes again making her head hurt worse. She closed her eyes tightly, trying to make the pain lessen. She ran her fingers back over the cut, the pain of the split skin pulling all her thoughts from her head. There was no heartbreak, there was no disappointment, there was no hope, no sadness.

There was only pain now, pain that would sustain her for now. She stood, swaying slightly, she hadn't realized just how much blood had poured from the cut on her arm. She glanced at the floor. The blood had pooled slightly. Hermione debated banishing it before it stained the floor. Ron would be so mad if she let it stain, if he noticed.

"Fuck him!" she muttered. "Let the blood stain, maybe then he'll remember me. He hasn't even come looking for me," she added realizing she'd been home for at least an hour and Ron had yet to show up. She wondered if he even realized she'd left the stupid party.

She took a few steps, the room spinning as she walked. Her fingertips found the cut on her arm again. The bleeding had stopped. She ran her fingernails over the cut, breaking the seal. The blood dripped down her arm. She staggered to the bedroom and fell face first onto the bed.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: I don't own Harry Potter**

**Thanks everyone for reading and reviewing. **

"Hermione? Hermione, please, open your eyes."

Hermione moaned. Her head was pounding. Her arm throbbed. Somewhere there was a voice, light? Her eyes fluttered open slightly.

"Thank Merlin!" she heard a voice exclaim. She realized she couldn't place it, didn't want to place it. Maybe she had died? Could she be dead? Slowly, the memories of last night started flooding her mind. She remembered finding out, the shame, the glass. She remembered the blood and then... nothing.

"Come on, open your eyes, you can do it. Don't worry, it's alright. You're safe. Ron's not here, I promise," the voice continued. Hermione's ears slowly started working properly. She recognized the voice, but still couldn't place it. She blinked her eyes open slowly. The world was spinning slightly. She was looking up, laying on her back. The ceiling was off white, a dirty cream color. There were shadows dancing on the ceiling. Candles. She was still in the wizarding world, but not in her home. How had she gotten here? She turned her head trying to get a bearing on her surroundings. To her left was a wall, the bed was against the wall.

"Where?" she asked. Her voice was raspy. How long had she been out? Her throat felt dry. She tried to remember if she'd been screaming. She remembered screaming, she remembered being furious. The picture frame shattering.

"Grimmauld Place. Like I said, you're safe, Hermione," the voice stated. Hermione's brain finally started working again. Her eyes widened as she sat up quickly. There he was, standing at the foot of the bed.

"Harry? Is it really you?"

"Ask me anything, Hermione."

"Can I have a drink?"

"Sure," Harry stated summoning a goblet of water. "You taught me the spell, remember?"

"Yes," she answered taking a sip. "I thought... you said you weren't planning to come back."

"I know. I was a mess, Hermione. The war really did a number on me, on everyone. I needed some time to figure out who I was, you know. I needed to be someone other than the Boy Who Lived, the Chosen One, the Savior of the Wizarding World... I needed some time to just be Harry."

Hermione nodded.

"And did you figure things out?"

"Some of it. I went looking for you and Ron. I found Ron."

"Still at the party?"

"Yes, with his hands all over some blond witch. I found out you'd been there, found out what happened. I'm sorry, Hermione."

"Nothing you could do, Harry. Ron made his own bed. So you came looking for me?"

"You didn't answer the door, but I had a feeling. I kind of blew the door up. You weren't conscious when I found you, you lost a lot of blood."

"So you brought me here?"

"If you had wanted to go to St. Mungo's, you would have. I wasn't really thinking, I was afraid I was too late, that you were dead."

"I can't go back there. I can't... face Ron."

"You don't have to, just get me a list of things you need. I'll get them, oh and Hermione, you can stay here as long as you need," Harry stated. Hermione felt a small smile cross her face. Harry at least cared about her. Sure, she didn't love him like she thought she had loved Ron, or the way she still loved Severus, but he was a friend and right now, that's what she really needed.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: I don't own Harry Potter**

**I know a lot of you have left reviews talking about the pairings, and how Hermione has lots of options for help. Thank you for all your advice, well, except for the flames. I hope you continue to read and review!**

Hermione stretched, her left elbow popping as she moved. She glanced around. No, last night had not been a dream. She really was back in Grimmauld Place, Harry really had saved her, and Ron really was a fucking bastard. She felt the anger swell in her chest.

"Morning! You want some breakfast? I've got bacon and eggs," Harry offered. Hermione felt her stomach turn over.

"Thanks, but no thank you. I should make that list for you, so I can get my things back. Um, is there any chance you might be able to do me another favor?" Hermione asked, picking up the parchment and quill that had been sitting next to the bed. She tried to think about all the things she would need, or at least the things she couldn't live without. There really wasn't much. She had never realized just how little she had, or how little many of her possessions mattered.

"Depends on what it is? Something else I've learned. I don't agree to everything any more," Harry replied. Hermione smiled. She remembered how Harry would do anything Dumbledore had said, usually without question. She was glad he'd obviously grown something that resembled a spine. She wondered for a brief moment if he would even agree to do this for her, since it would bring him possibly face to face with Severus. It couldn't hurt to ask, at least.

"Professor Snape has a shop in Diagon Alley," she was careful not to call him by his first name. She knew it was stupid, but part of her didn't want Harry to know just how familiar her and him had become. "He sells a potion that I've been taking. Ron threw all of mine out, it's to help me... Well, since we're being completely honest with each other here. I've been struggling these last few years with depression." Hermione watched Harry's face. He was still standing close to the doorway. He stared at her for a moment. Then Harry crossed the room and pulled Hermione into a tight hug. She stiffened slightly but returned it.

"I had no idea," he admitted. "There were a lot things I never noticed. I should have been a better friend."

"No one did, well, Professor Snape obviously suspected, I don't know how, but if you could pop to his shop and pick up a new supply for me?" she asked. She watched him think about it, think about seeing Severus again.

"I can do that. He's not still a complete git, is he?" Harry asked. Hermione smiled thinking about how Severus had kicked her out of his shop, how he'd insulted her, how he'd said she didn't love him.

"A bit," she admitted. "But I'm sure he'll be professional. He was with me in the shop," she answered. That was true at least. She felt her heart pound as she thought about how completely unprofessional he'd been in his office, in his flat above the shop. She felt her face flush but quickly forced the thoughts from her head. She couldn't be thinking about him, not now. He didn't want anything to with her, she needed to remember that.

"Why don't you have something to eat and I'll go out after breakfast?" Harry offered. Hermione nodded sliding from the bed and following him to the kitchen.

"The place is still a mess. Like I said, I only just got back into town. I wasn't even sure the wards would even recognize me, but apparently this is still my property," Harry said. He grabbed two plates and set them on the table. Hermione slid into the chair, thinking about the last time she'd been here.

"Was it hard, coming back here?"

"Yes, and no. I mean, I always knew I was going to come back. It was strange because there's so many memories here. I'll probably end up selling the place, if I can. I'm looking to just start over, Hermione. Maybe by a flat somewhere, get a job, I don't know."

"Ginny's still single," Hermione commented, stabbing a piece of bacon with her fork. "Are you planning on seeing her?"

"Maybe, I did kind of break her heart."

"She'll want to see you. Imagine how annoyed she'd be if she finds out from someone else that you're in town?"

"Good point. I'll stop by the Burrow at some point. Did you finish that list?"

"Yes, here it is," Hermione said. She handed him the sheet of parchment. Harry scanned it quickly.

"Will you be alright here by yourself?" he asked. Hermione heard the unasked part of the question. She knew Harry was worried about her.

"Is the library still full of books?" she asked. Harry laughed.

"Yes, it is. You're welcome to read anything you want, explore the house. I mean, I know we did years ago, but if you want to pick a room for your self."

"Thanks, I probably will," she answered. "Just put the dishes in the sink, I'll wash them while you're gone."

"I'll be back soon," Harry promised. Hermione nodded. "And I won't forget to get your potion from the apothecary," he added before slipping out the door. Hermione stared at where he had just been. She wondered if Severus would have anything to say about Harry getting her potions for her. He'd told her he never wanted to see her again, well, Harry was most certainly not her.


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: I still don't own Harry Potter**

**A huge thank you to all my readers and reviewers! Keep it coming so I don't forget to keep updating!**

Hermione found herself in the library. The Black family library was expansive and soon she'd found a book she'd never seen before and had nestled in a chair to read it. She lost track of time as usual.

"Hermione?" Harry's voice pulled her from the book. She quickly set it down.

"You're back, I guess I lost track of time. Did you have any problems with anything?" she asked. Or anyone? She thought, wondering if Severus had given Harry any trouble about getting the potion.

"No, I had a nice talk with Ginny. Threatened to punch Ron's face in if he didn't let me get your things."

"Did you?"

"No, Ginny hexed him. She came with me, said something about having to take care of the problem in family," Harry replied. Hermione smiled.

"I bet Ron was happy about that."

"Dunno, I didn't stay around to see. Ginny will probably tell us about next time we see her. She seemed fairly mad at Ron. "

"I'm glad someone else is," Hermione commented, taking the bag Harry handed her. She glanced through it and a smile played across her lips when she saw the bag from Severus' apothecary. "Did Snape give you any trouble?"

"At first, then I said I was there for your potion, he seemed really worried about you, Hermione. He said he wanted to speak with you when you had a change?"

"It's about the potion. There were side-effects and we were working on lessening them," she said. She wasn't really lying. They had been working on that, when she'd managed to find her way into his bed. The memories of his body next to hers flittered through her mind, but she ignored them. Just because he wanted to talk to her didn't mean he was changing his mind. Although, he had said he never wanted to see her again.

"Hermione, Earth to Hermione. "

"What?"

"I was asking if you had any thoughts about what to do for dinner, and if you want to go to the ministry today and get the paperwork."

"Paperwork?"

"You are going to divorce Ron, right?" Harry asked, his green eyes studying her. She nodded slowly. She'd given him enough chances. Every time she'd been convinced she was wrong... every single bloody time. The fact that divorcing Ron would free her from the marriage, she'd be single again, and then... no, she couldn't think about that. He only wanted to talk.

"Yes, absolutely, yes. I do want to get that paper work today, before he has a chance to slander my name or something else. Why don't we do that now? You will come with me, won't you, Harry?"

"Of course, I said I'd be here for you, Hermione," Harry replied, putting a hand on her shoulder.

"Alright, let's get this over with," she stated, giving Harry a nod as they walked to the fireplace and flooed straight to the ministry.


End file.
